Tag Archives: music

Questions For The New Year

Dear Sheep,

A shepherd is here to lead you into the new year! Now I know with a new year comes the ‘same old same old’, but that won’t be true for 2016. This is the year that we should think bigger, imagine harder, and use more Viagra to get harder and longer-lasting hard-ons! I feel that I lost track of what I was discussing, but to be clear, I do not have a problem. It was a long day and I was tired.

So, to try and help you get started for this exciting and young year, I decided that instead of giving you the answers, I thought I would offer you some questions. Warning: these questions should not be posed to a particular group of people. I can’t mention them directly since I’m their bitch, but you have been warned. Don’t go near THEM.

Pending anymore interruptions from the reptilians…No, I only said it because Jeff said it-oh good, they took Jeff. Anyway, on with the questions!

When is a good time to ask your doctor about getting the new and exciting miracle cure?

Answer: A man doesn’t ask, he takes.

(I couldn’t resist giving an answer. Sue me. But know that I have some very good imagination lawyers. Then can do high multiplication.)

When will people remember what matters and work towards a future that will make things better for all?

Correction: Why should I make things better for all, if I can make things better for me? Eventually my “wellness” will trickle down into society. Think about it.

When is the best time to have sex with a girl: after kidnapping her or in the middle of a mash pit?

Answer: You should have a blow-up doll waiting at home.

Do you know the muffin man?

Correction: Do you know about the muffin man’s cocaine addiction?

Will there be another Justin Bieber album?

Answer: It’s 2016, right? Get over it.

I would apologize for the answers to some of these questions, but you came here for answers first. Please don’t stick to my answers if you don’t like them. Feel free to find your own.  But beware, if they are not correct, you will be put on a humiliation display that will rival the whore shaming shackles of old! So go out and be free my sheep, until I send my dogs to recollect you and put you back in your pen.

Your master who is servant to another master,

Cameron Campbell

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She Ain’t Got No Alibi

A few weeks back a twitterer with the handle @mypoetryproject with his hashtag #badtimeforlyrics suggested that Taylor Swift knows nothing of love. This being based on the lyrics from her latest song, “blank space” and it’s catchy bridge, “Boys only want love if it’s torture.” Now I know you didn’t ask, but that is why I’m here to ensure that you do ask: how could @mypoetryproject know?

The joke from this hooligan was that Taylor hasn’t read fifty shades of grey, which is clever! And he is probably right, seeing as she probably doesn’t read! But he could not know this without insider information. Unlike myself, I happen to know she doesn’t read based on my own personal knowledge of Taylor and inference based on the horrific lyrics of her song. But he is a nobody, unlike myself, and therefore could not possibly know about her.

So to @mypoetryproject I say this: Leave Taylor alone. She is meant to be a tabloid scandal, not the end of some butt joke from an unknown Twitter account.

Your stalking admirer,
Cameron Campbell

Sia: Promoting Art, or Kiddie Porn?

 

Cameron is angry!  And for once it isn’t because my fantasy football team was rearranged by my English girlfriend.  Someone needs to tell her that Beckham plays soccer and not football!  No, this time I am upset because apparently pop culture is now forcing me to accept kiddie porn as ‘natural’.  In Sia’s new music video, she displays the bodies of Maddie Ziegler and Shia LaBeouf in near-nudity fighting each other within a cage.  A cage, as we all know, is a symbol of capture that has been frequently used in films to misrepresent how we contain our criminals.  They are not in a cage, but in cells that have bars and no clear form of escape, which is nothing like a cage.  A cage is what we call the basement of sickos who only want to have sex in completely unnatural ways (remember my talk about S&M and Saudi Arabia?  Like them!).  People have complained that the video promotes pedophilia, and frankly I must agree, but it is not just the video, it is also the lyrics.

Just listen to this, “And another one bites the dust/Oh why can I not conquer love?”  That sounds like a confession from Sia, not only of the children she keeps in her basement, but also of murder.  But this conspiracy of artists singing their sins has been around for a long time.  Remember the song “Another one bites the dust” by Queen?  It is filled with the multiple methods that Queen ruined the lives of dozens of people, yet they only name one.  Steve, with his hat, and machine guns (No gun control in the 80’s?).  The truly sick fact about Sia’s song is that she never gives us a number to her victims.  How many children has she touched?  Are the dancers complicit in her illegal activities?  And where was Shia LaBeouf all this time?  Was he trapped in the basement too?

And who knows, perhaps this is only the tip of the iceberg of her crimes.  “You got me pushing imaginary buttons/step away from me lover”  could be a confession of public nudity and sex.  “On a night like this/get out of misery”  possible drug use?  I’m thinking meth.  And this is only one artist!  We haven’t even begun to discuss Maroon 5’s multiple counts of stalking and possible kidnapping charges in “Animals”.  We mustn’t let these artists think that we are fooled by the claim that these videos are “full of artistic meaning”.  Because all of us who cannot stop seeing sex in everything we view know that sex is definitely involved, even after being told it is not about sex.  Why is that?  Not because we are obsessed.  It is because everything we see reminds us of sex.  As Sigmund Freud once said, “I need unt miss sex!”  Because there is no one in the world who is more trustworthy than a quack like Dr. Freud

Your local sex offender,

Cameron Campbell

http://womenintheology.org/2015/01/09/elastic-hearts-and-young-bodies-on-children-art-and-rape-culture/