Tag Archives: israel

The Return of Cameron Campbell 2018

Hello Internet! My goodness, it has been a year since I have given you the honor of my presence. Cameron Campbell is back! That’s right, like my role model Donald Trump, I spent more time on vacation than working. We can do that because people just love us. I mean, if I chose to shoot someone on the street my fans would stick by me no matter what.

Whoo! So there is a lot to process over the past 12-13 months. The one certainty is this: remember those whiny safe-space liberals who were poised to raise Crooked Hillary into office? Well now there are no safe spaces and everyone is saying Merry Christmas again! I mean, no one was stopping anyone from saying it, but now we can say it with meaning! Not like I wasn’t saying it before, but NOW it reminds me of the little baby Jesus surrounded by the three wise men Big Oil, Clean Coal, and the Trump Foundation and the soon-to-be war against fake news about Mary’s lineage. She is pure American and there is an ample lack of evidence about that!

merry christmas

You might be asking why yourself, “Why has Cameron waited so long to discuss his favorite president that will ever be?” Well first off stop being nosy into my business. The only individuals’ privacies we are allowed to invade must meet the following criteria: famous and acting suspicious/avoiding paparazzi cameras. They want you to think they are avoiding the cameras to try and be regular people. It’s a conspiracy and no restraining order will stop me from learning what Meryl Streep is hiding!

I had to wait a year. Trump was already doing so much for the country BEFORE winning, but how best to study a man’s achievements except by waiting for at least one real one? There have been so many victories that I barely know where to begin. Did I mention being able to say Christmas again?

Oh, there was the firings of sissy leaders like Sally Yates and James Comey who were “concerned about our national security.” Thanks a lot “experts” but Trump already has a plan to handle Putin so calm your libtard brains. Besides they are best friends, and there is nothing wrong with that. Except if Hillary is doing it. Remember, Hillary friends with Putin=bad for country. Trump friends with Putin=good for country.

Trump has also become the first president to have the most personnel changes in his first year in office. 34% of his staff have either been fired or moved to another post. This has left some important positions open and work unattended. This is a brilliant tactical move. Think about it! The best way to show we don’t need a department is to show how it fails to accomplish its goal. By not appointing someone to the leadership position, the department is guaranteed to be a failure. We can do this with everything that is not Congress or the White House and create the Department of Everything Government run by Jared Kushner.

The greatest victory was showing the government’s complete lack of ability to accomplish anything. Now that Trump is in the White House and the Republicans control both houses of Congress we see just how incompetent those in power can be. They completely fail to pass laws with a majority and it’s all because of the Democrats. It might be counter-intuitive to blame those who do not have control but here is why we can blame Democrats. Democrats were in power and are now the minority in both houses. If they really wanted power, then they would have continued winning. The oppressed Republicans have become the oppressors and Democrats are too weak to get back up. So what do they do? Mind control. Confusing good ol’ America-loving Republicans with their sweet smelling pastries. I will not buy those delicious muffins if my money is going to help non-working orphans!

The recent government shutdown is the final proof of Trump’s theory. The government had a weekend getaway when Republicans and Democrats sent an agreement about DACA to Trump and he turned it down. It took them time, but they finally came to an agreement that will keep the government running for the next two weeks! Now each side is trying to determine who takes the blame. Back in 2013, Trump posited a theory that the man at the top is the one to blame for a situation going awry. This is why he needed to win the presidential election—to prove his point. It is always the president’s fault! And that is why he took the high ground, put on his big boy pants, and blamed the Democrats. Like any good leader should, split the voters and cause a partisan war.

I could not be happier with this presidency. He has done everything right, from his son who publicly stated he was contacted by a foreign power about sensitive information on their political opponent to labeling Jerusalem as the new location of the US Embassy against literally everyone’s recommendations. His presidency has been nothing but one success after another and I cannot see why people are upset with him. The harmful effect he has had on the political conversation in this country will plague us for years to come. Suck it Germany, we are the first superpower this century to have an actively destructive leader!

Your estranged aunt’s Facebook feed,

Cameron Campbell

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Which Apocalypse Pony is Obama?

I know what you’re thinking if you’re a conservative like me, and no, this is not a toy that is being created so we can use it against Obama.  But it is a well known fact that he is a part of the apocalypse. If you didn’t know this, then you must not be a true conservative.

Last week, Michele Bachmann was kind enough to put out the truth about Obama for the whole world to see how he is attempting to tear down our government so that the devil can move in to the White House.  For example, his attempt to weaken our relationship with Israel. Sure, the prime minister was voted in after saying that he would no longer support a two-state system, but does that mean Obama shouldn’t support him?  After all, Israel is our greatest ally in keeping the peace in the middle.  I feel like we could trust them to be an honorary peace corp!

But Obama doesn’t seem to share her-I’m sorry-our conservative views on Israel, even going so far as turning down her plan to bomb Palestine  back to whatever came before what they have now.  It is obvious to Michele, as well as myself, that Obama clearly doesn’t care about the people he is meant to be protecting.  And now, when his last term ever is about to end, is when we should be boycotting his kingly reign.

Sure, some people may claim that if we wanted to remove him from office it should have been done BEFORE he was elected again.  And yes, it could be argued that some of his mistakes were forced from him because foreign leaders can’t stop fighting over who deserves the most nuclear toys and land.  Or, if you’re really crazy, argue that Obama has been under so much pressure that he has given up his hair and youthful look just to try and help even a little, even when he failed.

But we all know none of that is true.  The aging process was rushed because the devil is getting impatient and is sucking the life away from his most avid supporter, Obama: the Nigerian-Hawaiian green card baby demon.  And who knows what he will do if we let him stay in office for the next few months after being their for eight years.  Thank you Michele Bachmann, hopefully we can open some eyes to the lies they are being fed from fact-based news outlets, p.h.d political scientists, and people like us.

Your politico-religious zealot,

Cameron Campbell