Tag Archives: government

Dildo, 5 Dollar!

http://www.wired.com/2015/02/best-sex-toys/?mbid=social_twitter

What an amazing read! And finally, men of caliber lower than my own can truly satisfy a woman with this aid. It’s revolutionary in its ability to please, unlike other dildos. They just fuck, and no woman wants that!

This dildo has the added bonus of batteries and a glove (according to the picture). You can be porking your wife in Star Wars cosplay and use the force to ram her in a galaxy far far away.

As impressed as I am by this new technology, I am also appalled by it. This new device is in direct violation of my copyrighted technique, “crouching finger, hidden clit”. But it’s more than that! Using tools are an attack on free, vanilla sex that the bible says is the one and only type of sex that has ever existed.

So chant with me internet, “We’re not Gois, no sex toys!” And maybe, with enough support, we can get our government to outlaw them! Remember Saudi Arabia, Iraq, and Africa? Finally we can follow the example of their religious police. And all we have to do is prove to women that all men can be as wonderful as myself when the bass drops.

On second thought, maybe not. I guess the tool is the only way to assure pleasure. After all, it was designed to know that area from its early existence. Who are we to tell that tool it can’t travel down under? It doesn’t want to work on anything else! So I say go, don’t stop, and come when you’re ready to my bedroom, and you shall be welcomed warmly to my home.

Your sexually open speaker,
Cameron Cambell

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“Do Moderates Exist?” What Are You, A Gay Vegan?

I am an extremist! I believe in taking the most difficult and harshest view on the hottest topics. I want people to hear my views and immediately hate me and no longer feel the need to talk with me. And what better way to scare someone away than to tell them that I support gun toting, abortion hating, right flank, conservative, bull headed rich white guys.  And I am absolutely set in my ways, even if the society tells me that my ideas are obsolete or outdated.  And if I am dealing with one of those types of people, then I am a big government loving, tax raising, abortion supporting, liberal minority who thinks that government is the answer to all of my problems.

Do these views appear to be contradictory and no person should be claiming to be both?  The answer to both of those is yes.  So then what is a moderate?  It is a being that cannot exist within this realm of political upheaval that is called the United States.  Sure, most of the country may be somewhere between these two parties we call Democrat and Republican.  And sure, maybe people are looking for someone who can use ideas from both parties to truly solve the issues that belong to the government.  Now as great as that may sound, You forget that those people are gay, facist, vegan, atheists who want to destroy this country and let the terrorists win.  The terrorists win?  Do you really want that to happen?  No, none of us do!  So join an extremist side, or choose a side based on who is in front of you, because our lack of bipartisanship in the government is the only way that we can keep this government so funny and unable to complete a single important task.

Your confused life coach,

Cameron Campbell