Finally the day of bad wine, bad company, and bad side dishes has come to break the ice before the main event. Thanksgiving, the day when families come together to feel out which topic will ignite an argument on Christmas the fastest. I’ve placed my bet on the Syrian refugee crisis. The family pool is already up to 100 dollars. It’s not that I want my family to fight, but if they are going to anyway, I may as well make some money!
Now you may be wondering why I’m bothering to mention this holiday-between-holidays. That is because I learned the true story of Thanksgiving from a genie that came to visit me. Before you ask, I wasn’t high. It was a dream.
He told me that the pilgrims didn’t come here for religious freedom. They had come to form a new alien civilization for our alien overlords. It was believed that they would one day return to our world and when they did they would need a country from which to rule. That is the true meaning of Thanksgiving.
Don’t believe me? Just take some acid and fall asleep. The genie will tell you the whole story. I’m going to take some more drugs. See you again at Christmas-the true winter holiday. And if you’re getting me anything, money for drugs would be great.
Your mooching best pal,