Category Archives: Music

Rapper B.E.N. ‘Prez’ Carson

Yo yo, er’body listen up!  What we got here is a new challenger on da streets.  Eminem move aside, take back yo name Marshall Mathers cuz we got ourselves a new king o’ rap ‘ere.  His name is Ben ‘Prez’ Carson, and he is gonna light this shit up!

Carson has released a new ad that will rock the radio waves.  The plan: rap until the African-American vote comes home at sundown.  If anyone could create a rap video and get away with it on the Republican side it would be Carson.  His ability to slowly stumble over his pre-planned statements, the bio filled with stories of ‘so I cut the bitch open’ and the constant calls “Represent” before his speeches all prove just how well he will fit in the rap world.

Some people, mostly myself, see how much this ad will help boost his rating among African-Americans.  Nothing brings people together like a good sing-a-long with the message, “Vote for me, vote for me, vote for me” (an actual quote).

After hearing how Carson plans to capture the hearts of his….I want to say fellow man, but seeing as he is trying to appeal to them with the music of their culture…It would be like Bush showing how white he is by playing Deep South banjo music with a jug and a washboard.  At that point, I would start questioning if he was the right kind of white to be president.  Unfortunately, the ex-neurosurgeon was lazy in how he operated on the rap.  Instead of taking the mic himself, he let Aspiring Mogul use sound bites of previous speeches.

This is a shame, especially when you think of what Ben Carson might have meant when he said this in response to the ad,

“I support, you know, them in doing that. But, you know, I probably would have taken a little different approach,” he said.

A different approach?  What do you mean Carson?  Does this mean somewhere you have a rap of your own written about how you wish to be president?  Did they, you know, shoot down your idea because, you know, you aren’t a professional rapper?  Poor Ben Carson!  All he wanted to do was rap alongside his idols Drake and Meek Mills, who are not only the greatest hip-hop artists, but also best friends.

Dr. Carson, I beg you to take time from your campaign to make your rap with your own lyrics.  The world would benefit greatly from this rap in their homes and in their hearts.  Who knows, maybe you would become internet famous!  And they may even forget the fact that you have lied about so many biographical ‘facts’.  I mean I know they are true, because I’ve been by your side since we were born, and I can vet that you were, in fact, a terrible student.  So please Ben (wink!), create that video, record that rap for us.  Because we are running low on reasons to laugh at Trump and could use a new funny man.

Your best friend,

Cameron ‘Bob’ Campbell

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She Ain’t Got No Alibi

A few weeks back a twitterer with the handle @mypoetryproject with his hashtag #badtimeforlyrics suggested that Taylor Swift knows nothing of love. This being based on the lyrics from her latest song, “blank space” and it’s catchy bridge, “Boys only want love if it’s torture.” Now I know you didn’t ask, but that is why I’m here to ensure that you do ask: how could @mypoetryproject know?

The joke from this hooligan was that Taylor hasn’t read fifty shades of grey, which is clever! And he is probably right, seeing as she probably doesn’t read! But he could not know this without insider information. Unlike myself, I happen to know she doesn’t read based on my own personal knowledge of Taylor and inference based on the horrific lyrics of her song. But he is a nobody, unlike myself, and therefore could not possibly know about her.

So to @mypoetryproject I say this: Leave Taylor alone. She is meant to be a tabloid scandal, not the end of some butt joke from an unknown Twitter account.

Your stalking admirer,
Cameron Campbell

Sia: Promoting Art, or Kiddie Porn?

 

Cameron is angry!  And for once it isn’t because my fantasy football team was rearranged by my English girlfriend.  Someone needs to tell her that Beckham plays soccer and not football!  No, this time I am upset because apparently pop culture is now forcing me to accept kiddie porn as ‘natural’.  In Sia’s new music video, she displays the bodies of Maddie Ziegler and Shia LaBeouf in near-nudity fighting each other within a cage.  A cage, as we all know, is a symbol of capture that has been frequently used in films to misrepresent how we contain our criminals.  They are not in a cage, but in cells that have bars and no clear form of escape, which is nothing like a cage.  A cage is what we call the basement of sickos who only want to have sex in completely unnatural ways (remember my talk about S&M and Saudi Arabia?  Like them!).  People have complained that the video promotes pedophilia, and frankly I must agree, but it is not just the video, it is also the lyrics.

Just listen to this, “And another one bites the dust/Oh why can I not conquer love?”  That sounds like a confession from Sia, not only of the children she keeps in her basement, but also of murder.  But this conspiracy of artists singing their sins has been around for a long time.  Remember the song “Another one bites the dust” by Queen?  It is filled with the multiple methods that Queen ruined the lives of dozens of people, yet they only name one.  Steve, with his hat, and machine guns (No gun control in the 80’s?).  The truly sick fact about Sia’s song is that she never gives us a number to her victims.  How many children has she touched?  Are the dancers complicit in her illegal activities?  And where was Shia LaBeouf all this time?  Was he trapped in the basement too?

And who knows, perhaps this is only the tip of the iceberg of her crimes.  “You got me pushing imaginary buttons/step away from me lover”  could be a confession of public nudity and sex.  “On a night like this/get out of misery”  possible drug use?  I’m thinking meth.  And this is only one artist!  We haven’t even begun to discuss Maroon 5’s multiple counts of stalking and possible kidnapping charges in “Animals”.  We mustn’t let these artists think that we are fooled by the claim that these videos are “full of artistic meaning”.  Because all of us who cannot stop seeing sex in everything we view know that sex is definitely involved, even after being told it is not about sex.  Why is that?  Not because we are obsessed.  It is because everything we see reminds us of sex.  As Sigmund Freud once said, “I need unt miss sex!”  Because there is no one in the world who is more trustworthy than a quack like Dr. Freud

Your local sex offender,

Cameron Campbell

http://womenintheology.org/2015/01/09/elastic-hearts-and-young-bodies-on-children-art-and-rape-culture/