Category Archives: Fundamentals of Site

Happy 6th of July

Welcome to July 6th!  The day when (maybe) the founding fathers signed (possibly) the Declaration of Independence.  Don’t believe me? Well fine!  Let’s just ask one of the founding fathers.  Someone get a Wiccan to summon Benjie, I really need to ask him about the latest 18th century fashion I could try.  If you’re uncomfortable with a Wiccan, thinking they could create a lying specter, then we can find a necromancer to bring John Hancock back.  We can get an answer to the question and a real John Hancock.

Some of you out there may have some questions about the founding fathers, so I have come today to answer some of the questions you haven’t asked.

1) Were the founding fathers vampires?

It was rumored that Samuel Adams may have been one, the supporting evidence being his love of violence.  However, he is not considered a founding father, so we are in the clear there.  It was also never mentioned that people have the right to life, liberty, the pursuit of happiness, and a human’s jugular.  That is a good sign for me.

2) Did the founding fathers really write the founding documents knowing that in the future there would be arguments over what types of guns are protected by the second amendment rights?

Of course they knew machine guns would be invented!  In fact, in Ben Franklin’s secret notebook, he had a prototype drawing of one.  He just couldn’t figure out how to get enough fairy dust to fire the bullets.  And of course everyone at the time was arguing how they needed personal cannons.  What did they use to defend this claim?  Well there isn’t any record of people claiming they need personal cannons.  But believe me when I say that every household requires automatic weaponry and tanks!

3) How gay was Thomas Jefferson when he wrote the Declaration of Independence?

There are many arguments against this claim, but his leftist and liberal arguments say otherwise.  Only a gay man could argue that everyone has the right to life and liberty.  Pursuit of happiness?  A hidden gay agenda.  No proper Republican would give anyone the chance to live their life without adhering to some strict and absolute rules.  This is because Republicans are big, burly men.  And yes, some of our penises may be tiny, but we make it up by being very good at pleasing ourselves in bed.

4) I (you) always thought that Fourth of July was just a time to get great sales.

Does it have to be anything else?  That is exactly what that day was meant to be!  A day when we can exploit already cheap merchandise and low paid employees to stay inside on a celebratory holiday to serve our selfish needs for a blender at a quarter of the price.  Democracy!  Capitalism!  That’s my 50% off Dora the Explorer backpack!

5) Do I have to do something special during this ‘holiday’?

Well, not technically.  But if you don’t celebrate I’ll brand you a terrorist all over the Internet.  I would apologize but only terrorists don’t celebrate 4th (or 6th) of July.  That’s what the Internet says.  And it is full of truth.

Well, that’s all from me for this wonder of holidays.  See you in a few months when we celebrate another holiday about old farts writing stuff!

Your patriotic dumbass,

Cameron Campbell

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Which Apocalypse Pony is Obama?

I know what you’re thinking if you’re a conservative like me, and no, this is not a toy that is being created so we can use it against Obama.  But it is a well known fact that he is a part of the apocalypse. If you didn’t know this, then you must not be a true conservative.

Last week, Michele Bachmann was kind enough to put out the truth about Obama for the whole world to see how he is attempting to tear down our government so that the devil can move in to the White House.  For example, his attempt to weaken our relationship with Israel. Sure, the prime minister was voted in after saying that he would no longer support a two-state system, but does that mean Obama shouldn’t support him?  After all, Israel is our greatest ally in keeping the peace in the middle.  I feel like we could trust them to be an honorary peace corp!

But Obama doesn’t seem to share her-I’m sorry-our conservative views on Israel, even going so far as turning down her plan to bomb Palestine  back to whatever came before what they have now.  It is obvious to Michele, as well as myself, that Obama clearly doesn’t care about the people he is meant to be protecting.  And now, when his last term ever is about to end, is when we should be boycotting his kingly reign.

Sure, some people may claim that if we wanted to remove him from office it should have been done BEFORE he was elected again.  And yes, it could be argued that some of his mistakes were forced from him because foreign leaders can’t stop fighting over who deserves the most nuclear toys and land.  Or, if you’re really crazy, argue that Obama has been under so much pressure that he has given up his hair and youthful look just to try and help even a little, even when he failed.

But we all know none of that is true.  The aging process was rushed because the devil is getting impatient and is sucking the life away from his most avid supporter, Obama: the Nigerian-Hawaiian green card baby demon.  And who knows what he will do if we let him stay in office for the next few months after being their for eight years.  Thank you Michele Bachmann, hopefully we can open some eyes to the lies they are being fed from fact-based news outlets, p.h.d political scientists, and people like us.

Your politico-religious zealot,

Cameron Campbell

Lindsay Lohan Is Trying to Pass Off Meet-and-Greets as Community Service

The Lohan machine plows through the snow of law and heads straight for the side of the house. She may destroy public property, but at least the plow cleans up some streets and the debris afterwards.
Cameron Campbell

TIME

Lindsay Lohan has been accused of trying to include socializing with fans as some of the 80 hours of community service she was supposed to perform for a 2012 reckless driving charge.

Lohan, 28, reportedly included meeting several fans during a stage production of Speed-the-Plow, in which she starred in the U.K. last year, as part of the mandatory 4,800 minutes she had to spend benefiting the community.

Her lawyer, Shawn Holley, appeared in court Wednesday to submit a dossier of documents outlining the Mean Girls actress’s community service hours, which Lohan claims were completed in nine days. Lohan also apparently awarded herself hours for allowing star-struck fans to shadow her, reports USA Today.

“I’d love to hang out with a celebrity all day and see their life, but that’s not community service,” said prosecutor Terry White, who has until Feb. 18 to demonstrate Lohan did not fulfill her…

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I Pledge Allegiance

I pledge allegiance, to my pal, Cameron Campbell, Md, P.H.D., Miss

and to his awesome blog, though unfinished, since it’s bros before hoes.

Indivisible, for his body is made of flesh and bone.

I pledge to all my followers that I have nothing I hold sacred except for my body, which is a temple for booze and sex.  All my stories shall be created with the same amount of care that a five year old spends building a model version of the space needle-a few months ground work, a number of drafts, the hiring and firing of those to create the framework, completion of the final project.  They are fascinating creatures five year olds.  This pledge is a solemn promise to all those who spend the time here with me.  And so long as you, my followers, repeat this pledge once every morning, your prayers shall be heard and noted, and with those prayers I shall erect more mental delicacies.

Your Man,

Cameron Campbell

P.S. It’s Mrs. now

Writing For The New Year

Hello infidels, men, and men who were women! This is the blog of the new year that will send shivers down your spine! Now, yes you may have not asked me any questions, but I can tell you now I definitely have the answers you need to all those pesky questions such as; Does the president having his steak medium mean he is a vampire?  Or even more important, Isn’t Fox news completely irrelevant when you want news? The simple answer is yes of course, but there will be more details on that later. But before I begin giving you the answers, it seems necessary that I first tell you why my blog should be followed by you.  Even though the reasons are apparent to me, women all over the internet may require a list since my presence is surely overwhelming to their sensitive minds.  This list is also placed here for gay men.  I am not ignorant of the power my charm has over anyone who can and will be attracted to me.

Reason number 1:  The opinions I create on the spot are sound declarations of truth.  I choose my topics carefully based on what I see on my feed that morning. Based on what people are angry about the most, I write about that topic so you can all see how amazing my opinions are and how essential they are to the evolution of our community.  Because I feel that this country of ours, filled with so much free speech, requires many opinions to be thrown into the fray so that an informed opinion can be made by all involved, which includes everyone.  These topics include, but are not limited to, religion, sexism, racism, nutrition, the president’s new dog, my neighbor’s disgusting habits, ethics, philosophy, politics, a side order of mashed potatoes, and chocolate lava cake for dessert.

Reason number 2: As people flock to read my words, the birth of a new community that has been sung about since the dawn of time shall be realized here on the frontier of an ever expanding universe.  It is here in the corner of the world that I stick my flag and prepare for the lack of a challenge to receive the gratuitous love of all my supporters who understand the importance of my existence and the existence of this blog.  I can find no greater place than here on the internet to voice my opinions where millions already do to the loud response of nobody.

Reason number 3:  Do you need anything else?  I certainly don’t, and neither should you!  Let us begin this trip with me at the helm.  By the end, you shall be thinking about this page like the Third Reich-if only it had ended sooner.

And who is the one at the helm?  Why, it’s me-The bird, the plane, Cameron Campbell.