Hello digital world! Welcome to the day of witches and bitches! I decided to play a bitch, so I dressed up like Hillary Clinton-boom! But seriously, today is meant to be a day of fun and excitement for little children where they get to build fear-filled memories of daddy jumping from around the corner with a werewolf mask. I ain’t afraid of no ghosts, but if a zombie tries to bite me I will be arrested for assault. So just like the 4th of July, I’m going to answer the questions that you haven’t asked about this most enjoyable of fake holidays. Without further ado, let’s begin!
My white decided that he would dress up as a black guy who was shot by police and thought it would look better if he did black face. Is that racist, or just a poor decision to show your political agenda?
Well that is a rather specific question, and I would like to point out that we need more questions like this that specify the problem quickly and efficiently so that answers can be found. Without answers, then we are left in the dark with our questions. That is a terrible idea during Halloween, as things hide in the darkness. We need to protect our people from dark things that we cannot see, but know are there while they hide with their questions.
I didn’t really understand the question, so I answered as best I could. I’m pretty sure black face is a spa term.
Was Halloween really an ancient tradition of the druids?
Halloween is a celebration for children. Druids are World of Warcraft characters. Silly fake person, treats are for kids! Not the imaginary class of druids.
Was there ever a time when people weren’t allowed to wear costumes on Halloween?
Yes, there were. We now refer to those times as the Dark Ages. The span of time when there were no fun people in the world. Not a single jokester or prankster in sight. No one knows how the first funny person came to be the comedian to end the Dark Ages. Some legends say that a secret organization bred children to be the perfect funny people deep underground and released them on the world when the time was right. The name of this organization: Fart.
When are people too old to trick or treat?
Just because you can’t get the treats doesn’t mean you can’t give out the tricks. Just be careful of where you live. For example, where I grew up, Old man Barnes put a sign on his lawn that said, “Beware, no trick or treating here.” And next to the sign was Jason’s head on a spike. He had rung the doorbell the year before I started trick or treating.
Now before you think I am being serious, I should tell you that I am being absolutely serious. My town did not last long. I ended up having to kill all the adults. It was part of our Halloween tradition. My town hasn’t been heard from since Halloween of 1760.
Happy Halloween everybody!
Your immortal ghoul speaker,