Clinton Can Chillax

Finally, my nation of fellow politically-retarded people, there is an answer to the greatest question of all:  Is Obama really American?  Personally, I’ve never believed it to be true.  That’s why I was a supporter of Trump’s solution to that very question.  If we scream at Obama long enough he will give in and answer our calls, right?  It worked for the anti-war movement under Nixon!

Apparently this question has already been answered, but as someone who is unable to admit when they are wrong, I will keep fighting the good fight to prove he is a Kenyan bent on making us subservient to the African nations, just like these good people.  Do not fear, my ever-terrified readers, there is still plenty of reasons to be afraid!  Vice president of the United States and president of ‘We Love Obama’ fan club, Joe Biden announced this past week that he would not be running in the 2016 president election.

This piece of information comes as a huge relief to Clinton, who had designed ‘apology Clinton’ for an attack ad involving Biden’s son.  With him officially claiming, ‘I don’t have the time to make bank,’ Clinton and her homemade war chest are ready to win the school election.  She has promised to make school lunches pizza every day and free for all students.  I don’t know about you, but I love pizza!  She has my vote!  Join me in showing her support by throwing pizza slices at her during her next speech!

Your stomach-driven voter,

Cameron Campbell

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