Which Apocalypse Pony is Obama?

I know what you’re thinking if you’re a conservative like me, and no, this is not a toy that is being created so we can use it against Obama.  But it is a well known fact that he is a part of the apocalypse. If you didn’t know this, then you must not be a true conservative.

Last week, Michele Bachmann was kind enough to put out the truth about Obama for the whole world to see how he is attempting to tear down our government so that the devil can move in to the White House.  For example, his attempt to weaken our relationship with Israel. Sure, the prime minister was voted in after saying that he would no longer support a two-state system, but does that mean Obama shouldn’t support him?  After all, Israel is our greatest ally in keeping the peace in the middle.  I feel like we could trust them to be an honorary peace corp!

But Obama doesn’t seem to share her-I’m sorry-our conservative views on Israel, even going so far as turning down her plan to bomb Palestine  back to whatever came before what they have now.  It is obvious to Michele, as well as myself, that Obama clearly doesn’t care about the people he is meant to be protecting.  And now, when his last term ever is about to end, is when we should be boycotting his kingly reign.

Sure, some people may claim that if we wanted to remove him from office it should have been done BEFORE he was elected again.  And yes, it could be argued that some of his mistakes were forced from him because foreign leaders can’t stop fighting over who deserves the most nuclear toys and land.  Or, if you’re really crazy, argue that Obama has been under so much pressure that he has given up his hair and youthful look just to try and help even a little, even when he failed.

But we all know none of that is true.  The aging process was rushed because the devil is getting impatient and is sucking the life away from his most avid supporter, Obama: the Nigerian-Hawaiian green card baby demon.  And who knows what he will do if we let him stay in office for the next few months after being their for eight years.  Thank you Michele Bachmann, hopefully we can open some eyes to the lies they are being fed from fact-based news outlets, p.h.d political scientists, and people like us.

Your politico-religious zealot,

Cameron Campbell

Advertisements

The Power of Vigilantism

“If you see something, say something”

Truly a catchy phrase with a catchy infomercial feel that almost makes you paranoid enough to think anything or anyone is out to get you.

“That guy keeps looking around after looking at his phone.”  He is looking for a friend, everybody duck!  Or better yet, we will do what they suggested in case of a bomb: crouch under your desk that has not been prepared for a possible nuclear apocalypse. In New York’s case, I guess it would be under the subway benches, or a big fat guy who happens to be in your coach.

The point is we can make a different in how our cities are protected from terrorism, and these infomercials are attempting to sell you your own form of protection.

Tired of relying on the police force for protection?

Do you feel that they are unable to live up to the level security you desire?

Do you need a way to show your racism without it being ‘blown out of proportion’?  Well we have the perfect solution for you!

Introducing 21st century vigilantism!  Vigilantism is universal process of justice that can be metered out by anyone based upon their own emotions and biases.

Think your Syrian neighbor is an ISIS agent planning something sinister? No problem!  Just rally up some of your close friends, take vigilantism, and off you go to string him up for unsubstantiated crimes!

Think your one black friend is giving your girlfriend a nasty look?  Hit up some vigilantism and gain the courage to confront him with a group of white guys behind you.  I’m sure this will work out in your favor.  With vigilantism, anything is possible!  Just listen to these reviews.

I work with a guy who is some kind of Arab, and as soon as he started talking, I knew I had to keep a close eye on him.  21st century vigilantism helped me do that.

Back in the 1950’s, we used 20th century vigilantism all the time and nobody cared.  In fact, we were encouraged. It was a positive thing and became a community thing. We didn’t get it from no government like kids today.  It was handed down to us from our ancestors.  They were the pros, we were just trying to fumble our way through.

Yes, I encouraged it at the camps to be used by mein officers.  They knew what the Jews were, as did everyone.  And I let all my officers know that they were the only ones, they were the Übermensch that protected the German people from the destructive power of the Jews.

21st century vigilantism is recommended for 12 and up.  The use of 21st vigilantism could result in embarrassing mistakes, viral YouTube videos, arrest, bruises, scars, internal or external injuries, white guilt, depression at the realization of how weak you are, anxiety, a perpetual sense of danger, and death.  If you contract any of these symptoms, immediately stop using 21st century vigilantism as continued usage will only make things worse.  Do not try and clarify your efforts to thwart a terrorist cell that existed in your head.  If attempting to blame anyone who is black with a crime, ensure that there is a cop around who can shoot when you are sure to fail.  If caught with 21st century vigilantism in your possession, immediately attempt to get rid of it.  Perhaps pass it off as your friend’s idea.

21st century vigilantism.  Being paranoid and racist never looked so cool!

Your local terrorist,

Cameron Campbell