The Clinton Family: A Private Family

As we all know, from when Bill Clinton was president, that this couple is extremely closed off and handle any marital, or business issues, outside of the public eye.  All you need to do is look at how well they handled the firing of his intern chipmunk, Monica Lewinsky.  They couldn’t outright tell her that her services were no longer needed, so they faked Monica’s memories to make her think that she had slept with the president.  Pretty sneaky, right?  But brilliant, I think we can all agree.  The only hiccup was that Monica believed it so much that she went off and faked evidence for the relationship.  And to think, only one more month and the effects of the hypnotism would have disappeared, making her a nobody once more.  The same thing happened when he was governor!  You think they would have worked out the kink in the false memories project BEFORE he became president.

But once again, the Clintons are being attacked for being private, but the attackers have changed teams, focusing their assault on the ex-Secretary of State, soon-to-be-(possible)-candidate, and already-made billionaire Hillary Clinton.  If you haven’t heard about her yet, then pull up a chair, grab your favorite ice cream with a spoon, and listen because this is the juiciest gossip.  You know how some politicians have gotten away with killing people with their cars (Laura Bush), or some people still hold office after their slow but obvious transformation into a turtle (Mitch McConnell).  Well, Hillary Clinton has just proven to be just as evil as these other politicians who claim to do things in our interest, when really they are attempting to protect themselves.  What she has done is so heinous that the very mention of this fault against our nation should cause your stomach to wrap in knots.  Calm down, I’ll still tell you what she did, so stop swinging your spoon around like that!

Here it is: Hillary Clinton used a personal email service for government work and is unwilling to give people access to her emails between her and other nations’ officials.  Now this may sound like a problem, but if you think that then you’re just blowing it out of proportion.  A personal email used for work purposes is an absolutely acceptable thing for her to do.  Just look at Anthony Weiner!  He was using snapchat to discuss a weird rash on his penis with his doctor and accidentally posted it for everyone to see.  But it began as a purely professional relationship through a social and personal tool.  The same thing applies here with Hillary.  Plus, I heard a rumor that her husband slept with a chipmunk, but don’t tell anyone.  It’s a secret.

Some republicans have been saying that this is a national security issue, and that she has put our nation in peril by not using the government system to email nations.  Perhaps some hacker would want access to her email and use it for nefarious reasons, like telling Iraq that they smell a lot like oil and shame (oh no he didn’t!).

Now I’m sure there is a perfectly legitimate reason why Hillary would decide to use an email supported by companies like Google or…someone else who may exist that have shown their ability to not protect users information as much as they say.  And one day she may deem us able to handle her answer.  But until then, we must trust her word about the emails, because a politician’s word is always reliable.

Your compulsive liar,

Cameron Campbell

 

http://www.nytimes.com/2015/03/09/us/politics/as-hillary-clinton-stays-quiet-about-private-emails-republicans-seize-moment-to-criticize-her.html?action=click&contentCollection=Science&region=Footer&module=TopNews&pgtype=article&_r=0

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