Hello infidels, men, and men who were women! This is the blog of the new year that will send shivers down your spine! Now, yes you may have not asked me any questions, but I can tell you now I definitely have the answers you need to all those pesky questions such as; Does the president having his steak medium mean he is a vampire? Or even more important, Isn’t Fox news completely irrelevant when you want news? The simple answer is yes of course, but there will be more details on that later. But before I begin giving you the answers, it seems necessary that I first tell you why my blog should be followed by you. Even though the reasons are apparent to me, women all over the internet may require a list since my presence is surely overwhelming to their sensitive minds. This list is also placed here for gay men. I am not ignorant of the power my charm has over anyone who can and will be attracted to me.
Reason number 1: The opinions I create on the spot are sound declarations of truth. I choose my topics carefully based on what I see on my feed that morning. Based on what people are angry about the most, I write about that topic so you can all see how amazing my opinions are and how essential they are to the evolution of our community. Because I feel that this country of ours, filled with so much free speech, requires many opinions to be thrown into the fray so that an informed opinion can be made by all involved, which includes everyone. These topics include, but are not limited to, religion, sexism, racism, nutrition, the president’s new dog, my neighbor’s disgusting habits, ethics, philosophy, politics, a side order of mashed potatoes, and chocolate lava cake for dessert.
Reason number 2: As people flock to read my words, the birth of a new community that has been sung about since the dawn of time shall be realized here on the frontier of an ever expanding universe. It is here in the corner of the world that I stick my flag and prepare for the lack of a challenge to receive the gratuitous love of all my supporters who understand the importance of my existence and the existence of this blog. I can find no greater place than here on the internet to voice my opinions where millions already do to the loud response of nobody.
Reason number 3: Do you need anything else? I certainly don’t, and neither should you! Let us begin this trip with me at the helm. By the end, you shall be thinking about this page like the Third Reich-if only it had ended sooner.
And who is the one at the helm? Why, it’s me-The bird, the plane, Cameron Campbell.